The first time I made this salad, I thought for sure that it was an epic fail. As in really, my most-est, epic-est fail of all times! No word of a lie, I thought it was one of the worst things that I’d eaten in my entire life. And sadly, I had been the one to create this monstrosity.
What I’d been craving was a refreshing, crunchy, creamy cucumber salad, one that would bring me back to my youth, when my best friend of the time and I would spend our entire summers bingeing on mountains of sliced cucumbers drenched in loads of heavy cream, with nothing more than a little bit of salt and pepper for seasoning. Yeah… I badly wanted to recreate that long lost summer treat, but I was also hoping to make it a tad tastier and much healthier, too.
As I eagerly took my first bite, my longing taste buds got greeted by what felt like a mouthful of salt, enveloped in a thick layer of extreme tartness, all wrapped up in a boring lot of insipid, tasteless crunch. That nasty dressing had stolen any and all flavor from the cucumbers! My face scrunched up like no tomorrow and my jaw cramped something fierce from that one bite alone.
Why this insolent experiment gone wrong didn’t get chuck right that instant, I’ll never understand. Guess I just really don’t like throwing food away, so I put the abominable cucumber salad in the fridge and figured I would force myself to eat it later, when I’d be really, really hungry. As in perhaps I’d starve myself for a week or so and then give it a second go…
But by the time dinnertime got here, about 3 hours later, I had already worked up quite an appetite so I decided to gather my courage and give the culinary anomaly another taste. And then, the strangest thing happened: some kind of magic had taken place during those 3 hours. The salad had become ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS! The cucumber had wilted in the most pleasant way, rendering it much more pliable and agreeable for the palate. Plus, whoever had stolen its flavor in the first place had obviously returned it! As for the dressing, it seemed like its extreme saltiness had been lost in the wilting process, and it was now super creamy, summery fresh with just the slightest little bit of tang: exactly like I’d imagined it.
Boy am I glad I’d decided to give that poor thing a second chance. Just to be sure that it wasn’t a fluke, I made it again a couple of days later and the exact same thing happened. YAY! Looks like I got myself a keeper after all.
Soooooo, the moral of the story is, if you intend on making this creamy dill cucumber salad, which you totally should, really, you have to promise me one thing: you will not taste the dressing, or the salad, until it’s had a chance to sit for AT LEAST 2 to 3 hours in the fridge.
AND I MEAN THAT!!!
I wouldn’t want you to think that I’m trying to attempt to your life or something…
First, as you make that dressing, you’ll be thinking to yourself “Oh, this looks yummy! I sure wouldn’t mind a little taste. Surely Sonia was exaggerating when she said it was nasty…”
Don’t. Just don’t. It’ll totally ruin it for you, I swear. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: this stuff, as it stands right now, is so tart and salty, the only thing that it’ll do for you is have you grimace like you probably never have before. Resist the urge.
As you pour the dressing over the sliced cucumber, you’ll probably notice that it kind of wants to separate a little bit…
Yeah. Yet another thing that’s seemingly not working with the salad. But don’t let that discourage you. I swear it gets better.
Just as soon as you start mixing the dressing in with the cucumbers, everything gets back to normal and that dressing looks beautiful and creamy and so TAAAASTY.
But don’t taste it. DON’T. It might look good, but trust me, it’s not. Bring a forkful to your mouth right now and you will sorely regret it the second you start chewing, and maybe even before that. Cover your salad and throw it in the fridge, then forget that it even exists for the next 2 to 3 hours.
Then and only then should you get your first taste. And at this point, I dare you not to eat the entire bowl!
In fact, you’ll probably never believe me that it was so nasty to begin with. But it’s probably better that way. Some things are better left unknown…
- In a small bowl, combine all the ingredients, except for the cucumbers, and mix well with a fork.
- Pour over the sliced cucumber and stir delicately until well combined.
- IMPORTANT: cover and place in the fridge for at least 2 to 3 hours to allow flavors to meld.
- This salad will keep for up to 2 days airtight in the refrigerator.